Renewing My Heart

I just read the book "I'm No Angel" by Kylie Bisutti. This book has inspired me to work on my inner beauty. I have spent countless hours over the past years working hard to maintain/lose weight, do my makeup and hair more like pictures in a magazine, be more charming/flirtatious in order to please boys, debate about which picture to make my facebook profile picture, and look in the mirror and wonder if I am beautiful enough. I know this seems petty and shallow, but it is very confusing to know what is important, valuable, and will make me happy, when I am surrounded by images and media that contain thousands of photos of thin, beautiful, photo-shopped women.

After finishing this book I began to realize that this "ideal" woman that I thought I was supposed to be is only an illusion, a fantasy. I don't want to be a fantasy. I am a real girl with thoughts, emotions, and the ability to love, understand, feel disappointed and hurt, change, and grow. I know that many women and girls suffer from low self-esteem and negative body or self-image and this can lead to harmful behaviors such as eating disorders. There have been times in my life when I would not allow myself to eat and I would compulsively exercise. I would base my mood off of whether I had lost weight and give my value and self-worth to others' as I listened on edge to their comments about my size and appearance. I have heard other girls talk about their eating disorders in a support group and it is painful to hear their stories about bulimia (causing one's self to throw up after eating) and mutilation and hate of their bodies. I don't think that it is ok for the media to create the expectation for women to be sexualized and reduced to an image that is not even real or accurate.

I have begun a journey to work on my heart. I have spent enough time over the years working on my outward appearance and it has not made my life any more fulfilling, led me to the right guy, or made me happy. After learning more about God's love and purpose for me through Kylie's book, I have gained the desire to try to be beautiful in God's eyes. I want to become less judgemental of others and of myself. I want to become a better listener. When I have the desire to tell someone how I feel, or do a random act of kindness, I don't want "social norms" to hold me back. We each have a purpose and we can learn what is right from people who inspire us, spending time alone to listen to our conscious, reading religious and non-religious texts that are uplifting, listening to music that does not disrespect our self, etc.

Today was my first day of the "Master's Makeover" to renew my heart (it is in the back of the book "I'm No Angel"). I didn't wear makeup (I like makeup, but sometimes when I wear it I feel more insecure so I chose not to wear it today). I had an honest conversation with my coworker. I had a random thought to buy a coffee drink for another coworker who was having a hard day and, after wondering if this would seem "weird", I realized that it doesn't matter what the world thinks because I feel happy when I give, and God has blessed me with a giving heart for a reason. I also went for a run.

When we follow God's path and try to do what is right in God's eyes, life is much less of a struggle and more fulfilling. The true beauty tips from Days 1 and 2 of the "Master's Makeover" are You are worthwhile to God and You have inherent value as God's child. 
Have a great day!