My Interests - 2 videos that make me happy

Today I don't have much to share, just a song:

And a tribute to one of my favorite shows, Northern Exposure :

Courage

Overcoming insecurity:

I used to be a shy, quiet girl, except when I was surrounded by my family or close friends who I felt comfortable with. I was afraid that no one else wanted to hear what I had to say, that I would offend someone or hurt someone's feelings, or that the world would not like me. Two jobs that have helped me overcome my shyness and anxiety are teaching group exercise classes and working for 2 years as a college RA. Both these jobs forced me to speak to large groups of people weekly, and eventually it became more natural. I learned that most people forget what you say by the following day (so it's ok if you mess up). What tends to be more memorable is the feeling and intention behind my words. Also, I have found that most of the time the way that people treat you tends to have more to do with their mood and what is happening in their life than about their attitude toward you. If someone doesn't say hi back to you or ignores you, it is most likely because they are having a bad day. I still sometimes worry about what I say and how the world perceives me. When I remember that God's love and value of me is more honest and meaningful than the world's perception of me, I feel safer and my anxiety tends to diminish.

 

Here is one of my favorite quotes that my best friend shared with me:

"Courage is not about breaking the rules to prove to others that you can do exactly what you want. It is not about inviting suffering into your life either, just so everyone can see your unflinching devotion to God. Having courage is not a question of accepting everything that happens passively. To have courage does not mean shrugging your shoulders or sighing, 'What can I do? It's my karma.'

On the contrary, having courage means engaging in every single situation as a blessing from God, as a loving gesture of nature. Courage means rising to meet the demands of each moment with total delight, knowing you are equal to it. Courage means having faith that within you is an innate force whose essence is never depleted by external events. Live your life courageously, dharmically, knowing that whatever you are faced with is not stronger than you are. You are equal to each other. Your problem is not greater than you are, nor is it smaller. "

Sometimes when I am feeling down, insecure, or sad, I forget that this very moment is a blessing. At times when we feel completely alone, misunderstood, or excluded, we can remember that God understands us. God loves us and wants us here. Day 6 of the Master's Makeover states that "true security doesn't have anything to do with our own talents or accomplishments. It has to do with knowing who we are in God's eyes. When we rest in God's love, we're reminded that He is enough for us. When we let our hearts be filled with His love, we can finally relax. We're secure - free from the need to prove anything. [...] You are secure in God's love."

Just look outside! Do you stumble upon the scent of a lilac or get to see an amazing sunrise on your walk to work. I think these moments are little gifts from nature/God to remind us how much we are loved. Even if no one else in your life takes the time to give you a gift or tell you they love you, God doesn't forget about you.

Even at moments when I feel like no one understands me I am not truly alone because God understands me completely and will always lend a listening ear. All my hopes, desires, questions, flaws, and mistakes are safe with God and I know that He will love me no matter what.  

Why Wait to have sex?

I wait because I want to have sex for reasons that feel right to me. I have been sexually and emotionally attracted to and liked many boys and men but this feeling has not been due to love. It has been due to outward appearance, charm, compliments, flirtation, and intrigue. The problem with words and appearance is that these are only the surface of a human being. There are other things that are more important to me in a partnership. What is important to me is that I am friends with someone and that they love me like God does. What I mean by this is that I engage in a relationship with someone who listens to and respects me, makes me feel better when I am sad, forgives me when I mess up, and supports me as I try to grow and become a better human being. In this way we can deepen our relationship with each other and with God.

I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with a man that I dated last year. He told me he was crazy about me and that I was special, so pretty, sweet, and that he just couldn't stop looking at me. Whenever I was near him I was overwhelmed with desire, a desire to have sex with him and be close to him (emotionally and physically). But, strangely, I also felt insecure around him. This was my first relationship and I was left disappointed, hurt, confused, and sad. Several months later I tried to love again but this time the relationship did not last because of our differing views on the meaning of sex and its role in a relationship. Once again I was hurt and alone. What I didn't realize at the time, was that God was giving me the opportunity to stand strong in my morals and become more sure of who I am. I received wonderful advice about the importance of waiting to have sex from my cousin who is about to get married to a man who has shown strong commitment, love and understanding towards her. I am also strengthened by The Five Mindfulness Trainings which are Buddhist teachings to help guide us through life. The mindfulness training on True Love reaffirms what I believe:

"Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. Knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others, I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without true love and a deep, long-term commitment made known to my family and friends. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. Seeing that body and mind are one, I am committed to learning appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy and cultivating loving kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness – which are the four basic elements of true love – for my greater happiness and the greater happiness of others. Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into the future."

When I shared this training with the first man that I dated, he told me that it is more important to follow our heart's desires than religious teachings. At the time, I trusted him and did not read the mindfulness trainings again for many months. But our heart can be deceiving, and I now know that religious teachings can help protect and strengthen us in moments of confusion and insecurity. I know that the only being that loves us always and unconditionally is God. That is why I am now trying to please God rather than the world. I want to be with someone who thinks I am worthwhile and respects me, my morals, has patience and is proud of me. I am trying to grow as a person and deepen my relationship with God by learning to pray and trying to pray more often. I want to become a more wholesome person and be honest in order to meet others who make me feel happy, see me for who I am, and are able to see beyond the exterior to the real. I think that knowing a man who wants to be with you, not for his own pleasure, but in order to grow together and live more fulfilling, happy lives because you are together, will feel right and will generate a relationship that is supported by God.

Here is a link to some words from Buddhist Sister Chan Khong Cao about the difference between perception and reality with regards to getting to know someone. Go to the link and click on "Watch Preview":

http://www.gaiamtv.com/video/life-reality-learning-true-love-sister-chan-khong-cao-np

Lastly, if you are in a relationship that may have become stagnant or sour, "Beginning Anew" is a Buddhist process to understand and deepen a relationship as well as resolve conflict. I like to use this process when I have conflict with family or friends: Beginning Anew!

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting" Proverbs 28

What is most important to you in a relationship?

What helps you makes decisions in times of confusion or struggle?

Books, blogs and vlogs

Here are some books, blogs, and vlogs, that inspire me and help me feel positive:

Books:
Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
Tales from the Secret Annex by Anne Frank
I'm No Angel by Kylie Bisutti
I'm currently reading The Education of Little Tree, a true story by Forrest Carter (:

It's Judy's Life (a wonderful family): http://www.youtube.com/user/itsJudysLife

Superwoman (a link to her confidence video):
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42SZoVB0MfY

My friend's health/wellness tumblr: http://cushinforthepushn.tumblr.com/

Kylie Bisutti's Blog:  http://www.imnoangel.org/
The Mindy Project ^_^ (my sister recommended this show):
 http://www.hulu.com/the-mindy-project

My favorite ways to renew my heart are reading books and having conversations/spending time with mentors, family, and friends who inspire me, accept me, and make me happy.

Please let me know if you have any other suggestions ^_^

Renewing My Heart

I just read the book "I'm No Angel" by Kylie Bisutti. This book has inspired me to work on my inner beauty. I have spent countless hours over the past years working hard to maintain/lose weight, do my makeup and hair more like pictures in a magazine, be more charming/flirtatious in order to please boys, debate about which picture to make my facebook profile picture, and look in the mirror and wonder if I am beautiful enough. I know this seems petty and shallow, but it is very confusing to know what is important, valuable, and will make me happy, when I am surrounded by images and media that contain thousands of photos of thin, beautiful, photo-shopped women.

After finishing this book I began to realize that this "ideal" woman that I thought I was supposed to be is only an illusion, a fantasy. I don't want to be a fantasy. I am a real girl with thoughts, emotions, and the ability to love, understand, feel disappointed and hurt, change, and grow. I know that many women and girls suffer from low self-esteem and negative body or self-image and this can lead to harmful behaviors such as eating disorders. There have been times in my life when I would not allow myself to eat and I would compulsively exercise. I would base my mood off of whether I had lost weight and give my value and self-worth to others' as I listened on edge to their comments about my size and appearance. I have heard other girls talk about their eating disorders in a support group and it is painful to hear their stories about bulimia (causing one's self to throw up after eating) and mutilation and hate of their bodies. I don't think that it is ok for the media to create the expectation for women to be sexualized and reduced to an image that is not even real or accurate.

I have begun a journey to work on my heart. I have spent enough time over the years working on my outward appearance and it has not made my life any more fulfilling, led me to the right guy, or made me happy. After learning more about God's love and purpose for me through Kylie's book, I have gained the desire to try to be beautiful in God's eyes. I want to become less judgemental of others and of myself. I want to become a better listener. When I have the desire to tell someone how I feel, or do a random act of kindness, I don't want "social norms" to hold me back. We each have a purpose and we can learn what is right from people who inspire us, spending time alone to listen to our conscious, reading religious and non-religious texts that are uplifting, listening to music that does not disrespect our self, etc.

Today was my first day of the "Master's Makeover" to renew my heart (it is in the back of the book "I'm No Angel"). I didn't wear makeup (I like makeup, but sometimes when I wear it I feel more insecure so I chose not to wear it today). I had an honest conversation with my coworker. I had a random thought to buy a coffee drink for another coworker who was having a hard day and, after wondering if this would seem "weird", I realized that it doesn't matter what the world thinks because I feel happy when I give, and God has blessed me with a giving heart for a reason. I also went for a run.

When we follow God's path and try to do what is right in God's eyes, life is much less of a struggle and more fulfilling. The true beauty tips from Days 1 and 2 of the "Master's Makeover" are You are worthwhile to God and You have inherent value as God's child. 
Have a great day!